Bill rambles about NFL playoffs, the Ravens Pantyhose, and kids sexting.
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Monday Morning Podcast 1-23-12
January 23, 2012
53 comments
Bill’s Monday Morning Podcast
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January 23, 2012 at 3:48 pm, Maurice said:
Great show! I disagree on the guy taking his bonus and leaving though. SInce the bonus is based on his performance, if he worked hard enough to receive a bonus then he deserves to get it.
January 23, 2012 at 5:06 pm, Trent D said:
Every monday i have a problem downloading the podcast off your web site and i-tunes what gives? i don’t a problem downloading any other podcasts!
January 23, 2012 at 5:38 pm, taras said:
you have trouble downloading the podcast? what are you a FAAAGGG?
January 23, 2012 at 5:55 pm, Kuliakan said:
Trent D has a point. The new site is slow, buggy and it takes way too long to download a 30MB file. Of course we should keep quiet about it because a) it’s free and b) what are we, FAAAGS? Obviously, it’s not Bill’s fault, he is just a dumb fuck talking into a mic but nevertheless, something he might want to be aware of.
January 23, 2012 at 7:35 pm, Matt K said:
> Why are you getting so offended? What are you, a FAGGGG?!?
January 23, 2012 at 5:52 pm, Tom said:
I also am having problems downloading your podcast off your site and off Itunes, I need my laughs so I don’t drive my car into a group of children walking to school.
January 23, 2012 at 6:11 pm, Tom said:
I just figured it out, I think I had too many of your old shows in my library, I deleted them all then subscribed again on Itunes and it started downloading the new show right away.
January 23, 2012 at 6:23 pm, TJ said:
That’s fuckin’ weird, I’m 100% faaaag (which means I don’t have to drop $ on some cunt ho for dinner and a movie to get laid, I get to have sex with someone who’s actually into it) and I have no problem listening to the podcast.
January 23, 2012 at 6:40 pm, Erik said:
Nia is way too adorable.
January 30, 2012 at 12:37 pm, Steph said:
> I agree. I love when she’s in the podcast. They’re both funny together.
January 23, 2012 at 6:40 pm, Kyle said:
I don’t no why but this fucking podcast wont work for the fucking life of me!! Ooooohhhbhch fuckking jeeezzes. Cannot play audio file. Can’t wait to see ya in march bill.
January 23, 2012 at 7:44 pm, TJ said:
Nia: “wait! It’s in Hawaii?!” best end to a podcast yet. BB got lucky with Nia (and Cleo).
January 23, 2012 at 8:27 pm, JoshH said:
Only 34 minutes left of downloading. OOOOHHHH The anticipation!
January 23, 2012 at 8:33 pm, Ivan said:
Enough with the cubicles Bill… I work in a kiosk.
January 24, 2012 at 2:30 am, Jorgw said:
Hahaha, that was great. Best part was with Nia at the end “Wait it’s in Hawaii” lol. I laughed so hard.
January 24, 2012 at 5:32 am, David said:
Good to hear you and Nia back on a podcast together. Damn she has a sexy voice. Keep the podcasts coming Bill. Love em! Funny as hell!
January 24, 2012 at 6:42 am, Jacob said:
Hi bill
The article on porn being bad for you is maybe here:
http://yourbrainonporn.com/
Long story short, it fuckes up your dopamine, and then you get less dopamine, ordinary life seems less fun, you get depressed.
January 24, 2012 at 8:20 am, Chris said:
This is Bill Burrs Monday morning podcast, not the Bill and Nia’s Monday morning podcast. She don’t bring the funny, but I guess you’re within your right to have her on.
January 24, 2012 at 9:08 am, Will said:
The horror movie with the ice skating scene is called CURTAINS (1983).
Found it through this website, which actually has a hilarious review:
http://mmmmmovies.blogspot.com/2010/02/curtains-1983-or-madness-to-her-method.html
January 24, 2012 at 10:12 am, Jordan said:
This one had the best “OH JESUS” so far!
January 24, 2012 at 10:28 am, Kuro said:
I am glad i finally got around to listening to your podcast. I am a fan from here on out as all my friends told me I would be. The fact that I can listen to you talk about sports in general is amazing. I only watch Boxing and MMA these days. Long story short, I’m a fan. Keep up the good work. Hope you have another Comedy Hour or 2 in the works.
January 24, 2012 at 10:42 am, Kuro said:
Just wanted to add to my last comment.
The Reason I can’t watch sports anymore is that everything seems like a watered down version of what it was when I was a kid. When you started talking about the rules being changed and old glory being rewritten by lackluster rules, it really struck home. I probably have some “through a child’s eyes” remembrance of sports that’s unfair, but I have to believe that football will never be better than marino, rice, Icky Woods, montana. Basketball will never be as good as the old celtics, bulls, knicks, face-offs. To be fair though, Boxing is dying off too, but there is less whining taking place unless you count the whining from the fans waiting for the Mayweather Pacquiao fight. Story done.
January 24, 2012 at 11:12 am, Dan said:
Bill, awesome show in Houston. I loved it. I was so hard it was like an ab workout. It was all new material too! Too bad that one idiot kept shouting ‘tubesteak’ way too early. I still haven’t heard that story. That heckler was f’ing hilarious too. You handled the tension like a champ. People need to get over the racial BS. I’m from CT so I can really relate to how you view Houston (pickup truck capitol of the world) (Hey man what the fuck you lookin at) which makes it even funnier. Can’t wait to see your next special. Also about the amazon thing. I think you just get money if people click on the link, meaning they don’t have to buy anything.
January 24, 2012 at 12:17 pm, Dan said:
Bill, I’m going to give you my best reason for why women get half of your shit. I’m not justifying it, I am just trying to give the best explanation that I can think of. Ok. So when two people get married, they basically sign a moral contract that says we are going to be there for each other for the rest of our lives through thick and thin. The two people depend and rely on each other for most things throughout live. Moral support, financial support, etc You basically become one unit yet still remaining with your own personality. Whatever wealth or riches any individual may receive while married belongs to the unit as a whole. Just because a man contributes money doesn’t mean he should keep it all. The woman takes care of the home, provides moral support, takes care/raises the children, turns a house into a home etc etc. When one person breaks this moral contract, they deserve half of what the unit is worth. Whether it be the man or the woman.
So to wrap it up: she deserves half for all the contributions she makes other than money. Think of everything Niya (spelling?) contributes to your life…
January 24, 2012 at 3:32 pm, djm said:
Thanks for the free online relationship consultation, sir. Much obliged to get Nia/Nea’s (sp?) input as well. Keep up the goodwork!
January 24, 2012 at 3:36 pm, Chula said:
Can’t stop laughing when u mess with us cubicle workers. I always listen at work and u kill me. Nia is great “it’s in Hawaii?” had me cracking up! Your podcasts are great, thanks!
January 24, 2012 at 6:16 pm, Alissa Pissa said:
He wears her panties? She’s not worth shit if she is attracted to a guy who wears (her) panties.
January 24, 2012 at 6:50 pm, will said:
…it started so well with the playoff talk and then-
Holy shit, I thought this was a fucking Abbot and Costello parody. Billy, how pussy whipped are you? Half the podcast is you talking over Nia’s vaginally driven commentary and you don’t have the fucking balls to tell her “FOR CHRIST”S SAKE, WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP?!!”
Patrice would be disgusted.
If you’d have charged for a shitty podcast like that, I’d want a refund
January 25, 2012 at 4:26 pm, Maurice said:
> will
Why are you bringing up Patrice with your garbage like you know him? Nia wasn’t casted to fit whatever woman hating demographic you are a part of. She is a part of Bill’s life and they’e interactions are honest and funny. I can’t believe I have something in common with you by liking Bill Burr… Go fuck yourself.
January 25, 2012 at 5:35 pm, will said:
> who the fuck asked you, “MAURICE”? What are you, A FAAAG?! You think billy needs some man-clam named MAURICE to come to his rescue, seriously? Billy needs one of the fucking BEE GEEs to help him out here? “How deep is your love” for billy there you FAAAAG; you’re about a step away from stalking the guy. Let me guess, your mommy picked that name out and your dad was too big a pussy to say, “I’m not giving my kid some faggy name like “maurice” no matter how many ass kickings he’s gonna get in school and somehow you think every man in a relationship has to be a wimpy bitch. Too bad your dad didn’t have the balls to backhand your mom in front of you instead of raising some “laaaady” named MAURICE….and now Patrice is laughing at you too
January 24, 2012 at 10:25 pm, Tim said:
I agree about people trashing Steven Tyler (the few that I did see complaining about him). It always seems like people are griping about the national anthem regardless of who sings it, and it’s always some loser who probably has never sang in their life. I just can’t stand people who have to complain about something. I thought he did a decent job, but even if I didn’t like his singing I wouldn’t sit there bitching about it like a miserable twat.
As far as the Ravens fans, I could care less. Their team is basically the same team as the Jets, with a less arrogant coach. They got “t-sizzle” (Suggs) who can never stop talking, Bernard Pollard who is a scumbag dirty player, and Reed/Lewis are the only guys I really respect.
January 24, 2012 at 10:33 pm, Brian said:
I’m sick of hearing him riding Eli. Did he once talk about the fact that the 49ers kick returner fumbled TWICE??? He handed the Giants the game right there. Then the week before the Giants defense basically shut down Rodgers (who was the MVP all year) and they kept the Giants in the game.
So sick of hearing about “Eli is elite!!” Really? What about the fact that he has 2 great running backs? What about his defense that basically pitched a shutout in the year they won the superbowl. What about the ridiculous catch by Tyree, which was the only reason they were still in that game. Eli has had the pieces around him since day one!! I’m not saying he sucks, but I’m so sick of people comparing him to two of the greatest QBs of all time (Peyton and Brady).
January 25, 2012 at 11:23 pm, Zane said:
>+1
January 25, 2012 at 11:24 am, Justin S said:
Just bought tix to the Denver show. Can wait to tell you to go fuck yaself sir.
January 25, 2012 at 1:58 pm, Eugene said:
Steven tyler is one sexy milf.
January 25, 2012 at 4:25 pm, Eric said:
It was interesting to be on the rough side of what you bring to the stage. I dug the NFL stuff, but the ‘fix-my-life’ portion was uninteresting and slightly whacked out. If I give you my address, will you please come blast me in the face the day I start writing to celebrities to solve my problems?
January 25, 2012 at 5:35 pm, KB said:
hey, Bill- you are the best comedian of all time, and I know I’m late to the game with this post. But regarding Kobe Bryant and the way he got completely screwed over with his divorce settlement, Chris Rock had a great piece on divorce in one of his stand-ups. It was combined with his comments on OJ Simpson, and not only is it hilarious, but he is so right. Can’t wait to see you in Westbury, NY in February- GFYS! (P.S. I am a girl, so there are some of us out here who think the divorce settlement laws are dogshit and men get the worst of it, no matter what their salary range.) Here is the link to Chris Rock’s take on it, if I didn’t fuck up the link.
http://bingenow.com/cgi-bin/video?vidid=687
January 25, 2012 at 6:35 pm, john said:
damn it gets too cute when nia is on the podcast…
January 25, 2012 at 9:12 pm, brandon fields said:
congratzzz on the FORD truck. been a FORD man across the board for over 20 yrs now. hoping ya post some pics.
January 26, 2012 at 5:13 am, Jack said:
I couldn’t listen to this podcast. Endless sports ranting and bringing on your girlfriend is just so self indulgent. She’s not interesting or funny and she’s so ‘correct’ it’s painful especially with the forced laugh. Ugh. Time mangina Billy grew a set of balls.
January 26, 2012 at 8:02 pm, Gill said:
These post are funny as hell… It is my constitutional right to be entertained for free and THIS is how I demand your podcast better be next time!
January 26, 2012 at 11:36 pm, Donna said:
It’s so obvious Nia and Bill really dig each other’s company. Cool Beans!
“Wait !!It’s in Hawaii??” teehee
January 27, 2012 at 12:31 am, Alex said:
Yo Billy. Stop performing in American strip malls and come do a show in Canada maaaaaaaaaayn. Preferably Ottawa. If Lewis Black can sell out a major theatre up here you can get 50 drunken morons to fill a bingo hall no problem. Ok peace.
January 27, 2012 at 1:04 am, Luis said:
Bill, I think it’s bat shit funny how you’re are constantly telling us to “go fuck ourselves” and calling us cunts. It’s refreshing because now a days everyone is always worried about offending someone else. It’s like “go fuck yourself” with your politically correct bullshit.
January 27, 2012 at 1:37 am, Ace said:
Hey Bill love the podcast. This is one of the best podcasts you’ve ever done that featured the lovely Nia. In past podcasts she could get a little annoying but here you reined her in at the right times and let her go when she was contributing. God I sound like a douche. While I’m rating your conversations, let me rate my own life: it stinks and I don’t like it!! Keep it real dude and get that Carnegie hall audio out somehow. Can’t wait for to see your next special.
PS You need to rekindle Uninformed somehow. You and Derosa are a modern day odd couple. If you replaced “odd” with mentally crippled codependent cuntfaces.
January 28, 2012 at 12:51 am, Torpedo_Thunder said:
Nia is an annoying cunt. I’m surprised how Burr can even tolerate having that fake two bit twat around.
January 28, 2012 at 2:30 pm, Gill said:
torpedo thunder??? Is that what you use to call Jerry Sanduski’s cock in the showers….? U suck and Your mothers a whore! GFY >
January 30, 2012 at 1:10 am, Gill said:
patsnation! >
January 28, 2012 at 5:16 pm, brandon fields said:
>a comment of this nature is sooo wrong on sooo many levels. my gut is telling me you have a personal vendetta agains’t'em…if not, your just plan evil to go there. disgusting…truly disgusting.
January 30, 2012 at 2:56 pm, Rob said:
> I’m not sure why this is even warranted. Were you one of those guys looking for advice that Nia completely trashed? Because honestly, she laid out some gems. She can be equally as funny as Bill.
January 30, 2012 at 2:46 pm, No said:
what, are we back at tuesday morning podcast? get brady’s dick out of your mouth and get this shit going. what the fuck bill
January 30, 2012 at 3:27 pm, FRANKJAEGER said:
You know, i come here for my shitty day and guess who isn’t here with a podcast? Bill fuckin Burr man i love you man but i was looking foward to this now i’ll have to finish the rest of my shitty day. Ya know?
January 30, 2012 at 3:49 pm, jim said:
I’ll be back later for the monday night/ tuesday morning podcast